Double Entry Book-keeping

Posted: 10/03/2005 in Daily Grumbling

When I knew that I was no longer going to be a London girl and that my destiny lay in a far off (ish) shore, I noticed a shift in the way certain friends treated me. I felt that auditions were being held for my replacement. That since I was not going to be around there was little point in my remaining their main confidant. That they needed to find somebody else to drink coffee with or share a glass of wine after work. My first year away I worked so hard to stay in touch. I emailed, wrote, phoned and knitted myself death. I worried I would be forgotten. If my friends in the UK forgot me – would I cease to exist?

But, as the months and years pass things changed. I changed. My time in New York on my own, allowed me to evolve (I know it sounds corny, but true) without peer pressure. I did not have to conform to the Leah they went to school with, or university with, or worked with. I discovered that my passion was Homer et al, I started blogging and writing. Some people were happy for me and others didn’t understand. To be honest, I don’t blame them. Classics, eh! Even I didn’t see that one coming. Face to face meetings with those people became strained, and perversely when the distance between us most apparent.

In some ways this unfold in front of me in the third person. If I could see that I was being replaced/losing touch – why did I not work harder? Because it would be unfair to all those involved. Friendships evolve, and people move on is a fact of life. That I stopped emailing certain people because I felt it had all become one sided is a sad, but not tragic aspect to life.

Although I feel that I have lost a friend or six, whose to say that these connections will not be picked up in the future. And I do have a gaggle of chums who remained in contact and are not hindered by the distance, or sporadic communicates. I have also met people via blogging, and now I eagerly await updates on their sites. I am meeting people through my e-degree, and even have my one or two of my own friends in NY to have coffee with or see a movie.

All’s well that ends well, as they say.

  1. Alex says:

    The word ‘friend’ is, like ‘love’, much mis-used and over-used. Friends are those who keep in touch no matter the distance or timezones, not those who want you to conform to their socialogical image. Those are, what I termed, ‘acquaintances’ not friends.

  2. jennifer c. says:

    Thanks for blogging this. I’m currently faced with such a transition, although for varying reasons. Coping with cultivating such strong independence isn’t always fun or easy, but it is *extremely* useful – a trait I now cannot imagine being without.

    You put it so well – it is sad, but not tragic. The friendship may blossom again, but it may not. Life goes on, as long as you keep the right perspective and goals in mind, you’re good to go.

  3. Your true friends are the ones who keep in contact no matter the distance.

    When I moved away from London, all my London friends said they’d keep emailing. But, alas, no, ’twas not to be.

  4. iliana says:

    I totally agree with the comment Alex posted. I’ve had many “friends” just drop off once they got married or moved away. I used to get quite depressed over that but not so much anymore. I have learned to let go and open myself to meeting making other friends.

  5. Leah says:

    This really wasn’t a maudline or self-pity inducing post, but thank you all for such kind words πŸ™‚ Just another aspect to our urban nomadic lives.

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